By Marsha Petrie Sue
When you attempt to use the same approach for different styles of difficult behavior and situations, you will wind up with unresolved conflict. Learn the six types of difficult behaviors and you will build relationships that will help you find the success you deserve. Steamrollers, Zipper Lips, Know It All’s, Needy Weenies, Whine and Cheesers, and Back Stabbers can be found in the work place and at home!
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How to Identify the Toxic Types of Difficult Behavior
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- Toxic bosses: Determine if the person is just irritating or if they are really out to harm your career. You must decide if your boss’s behavior is illegal or unethical. When your boss displays truly unethical behavior, you must decide if you can live with just letting it go unaddressed. If you decide to take action, make sure you consider the working environment before proceeding. No one else will intercede unless you take action.
- Bosses revenge: Review the cost of approaching your boss. What might be the fallout? Is there a chance of getting fired? Transferred? Taunted by peers because your boss has a tendency to talk too much? The best case scenario is that you resolve the problem and live happily ever after in an otherwise toxic environment. Worst case? Be sure you know the possibilities as part of your planning.
- Malpractice of the Mouth: Take control. If you want to reduce conflict and increase cooperation consider keeping an open mind, turn off your self-talk, stop talking, and most importantly, ask questions. Use the fogging technique by saying, “You may be right. Help me understand where you are coming from.” Then listen!
- Respond, don’t react: Responding is learned. Reacting is knee jerking. Responding resolves conflict. Reacting makes it worse. Responding is hard and is used by successful people. Reacting is easy and used by lazy people.
- Pledge: I promise to identify toxic behavior, apply new skills, and NEVER use excuses. I continue to practice, even after I have failed. I am never the Toxic Person. I stay calm, and do not lose my temper. I never take a Toxic Person’s behavior personally or seek retribution. I keep my power by maintaining control. I create my own environment that nurtures my success. I am the master of my future, my stress level, and my own behavio
If you don’t love your job, find a new one. Understand that YOU are the one in charge of your relationships, motivation, happiness and future.
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Five Work Reflections: Ideas to keep you sane
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This information from The Harvard Business Review was too good not to pass on. According to the studies in this article, companies that have Leaders that display integrity, responsibility, forgiveness and compassion character have a better Return on Investment.
Daniel Goleman’s book, Primal Leadership, is also a great backbone for improving the perception of character in leaders. He identifies the six different leadership styles and how they can be used. The success of his information is the flexibility of the person in the managerial position and the willingness to apply Emotional Intelligence in everything they do.
Here are six quick reminders to create better communications. Please feel free to pass these on.
- Use the assertive communication model:
- Acknowledge what the other person is saying
- Take personal responsibility in delivering your message by using “I” language. Tell them what YOU need, want, think, etc.
- When possible, give them two choices you can live with and let them choose. Then they have skin in the game
- Become a better listener and communicate from their point of view, not yours.
Officer Julie Werhnyak, Tempe Police Department
Thanks to Tempe Arizona Patrol Officer Julie Werhnyak for asking me if I was interested in learning what a ‘day-in-the’ life was like for her. We had met at a NAWLEE (National Association of Women Law Enforcement) conference where my presentation topic was communication and difficult situations. I immediately said “Yes!” although I had no idea what to expect. Since communication and conflict resolution is a specialty of mine, I knew there was much to be learned from Julie’s point of view and her daily interactions… and I learned some lessons on great communications.
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The Lessons of a Ride-a-Long: How Public Servants Can Help Us Communicate
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by Marsha Petrie Sue
Have you ever been in a meeting and minutes into it you question why you are even there? Robert Half Management Resources determined that 37 percent of office life is spent in meetings. What a waste. Start 2015 with a new structure to your meeting process. Productivity is critical to business success and this is sub optimal use of your time. So start the year off right and be the leader to help your team manage productivity.
General Meeting Basics:
- Don’t meet. If you can send a note, email or memo, don’t have the meeting.
One of the pleasures of this time of year is wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving, a Merry Christmas and a Holiday Season filled with Joy! My thoughts turn gratefully to you with warm appreciation.
And be sure to add some fun!
Marsha Petrie Sue
Professional Speaker and Author
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