People choose to be jerks

I came across a woman and everything I said she spun it and made it negative. It got to a point where I ignored her. She sounded negatived AND EVEN LOOKED NEGATIVE with mouth downturned and a sour look. These people have developed the “habit” of negativity and prove it with the “Yes But…” syndrome. Do you have people like this and what do you do with them.

Check out the success store for new downloads — one in particular — Is YOUR Life Working?? What say you? Marsha

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  1. Anonymous says:

    It is a miracle how timely this issue is. I just took on a new assignment and the first hurdle is disgruntled employees. Thanks so much!

  2. Marsha Petrie Sue says:

    I too just had an interesting toxic person in a program I was doing. Knowing I couldn’t change them, I had to really look at my behavior!

    My LISTENING Skill was critical — plus I COULD NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY!!!!

    Need help with this: Down load “Listen UP” CD to your ipod for immediate help right now!!! Marsha
    http://www.MarshaPetrieSue.com and click on success store.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I have been dealing with a toxic person in a homeschool group I am in. This woman posed as my friend for more than a year, all the while spreading rumors about my 6 yo dd and encouraging other moms to stay away from her/us. In some cases she named us, in others she implied enough for people to guess who we were. The rumors were ugly and unfounded. At no point did Toxic Mom (TM) come to me to talk about her concerns until a phone call last month. In it, she claimed that my daughter was headed for a life of promiscuity and needed counseling!! (I am not making this up.)

    In her conversations with ME, she talked negatively about the group and how cliquish it was. As all of the bits and pieces of this situation have surfaced over the past month, I believe she wanted me and my family out of the group. One woman, who has become a very good friend of mine, confessed that she very nearly didn’t befriend me due to the rumors she had heard.

    Well, on Monday (April 10) two of our group’s leaders will be meeting with Toxic Mom and the friend mentioned above. (TM also attacked HER 6 yo daughter with similar charges.) TM wants ME to be in this meeting. Since she has had no contact with me since that phone call a month ago and has shown no sign of regret for her actions and words, I see no reason for me to be there. I don’t want to be on the defensive and explain, explain, explain — that’s my tendency. The three people there know all the details, and since TM is on the Leadership Committee, they need to decide if that is the type of person they want in that role.

    Marsha, what is your take on this? I would think if TM truly feels regret and wants to apologize, that is better done between the two of us. I can only think that she wants to accuse me and/or my daughter of whatever. I’m inclined to not go, but am keeping an open mind for now.

    Thanks in advance,
    Lisa

  4. Marsha Petrie Sue says:

    Oh I would be at the meeting in a heartbeat. Put your personal feeling and emotions asside and strap on your communication skills.

    1. Watch your body language: stay open
    2. Use fogging – nicely say “You may be right, help me understand why you are saying that.” “Interesting perspective. Why do you think that” “I can see that your information is different than mine.”
    3. Don’t become argumentative – that is just what she wants
    4. Use “I” language not “YOU” language
    5. Stay calm and keep your power
    6. Use language like “I strive to be an outstanding role model for my children and others. I’ve learned people can either be a good example or a horrible warning.”

    Does that help? Check out some of the articles on my web site. TONS of helpful information. Marsha

  5. Anonymous says:

    I’ve found that saying something like “I can understand how you might feel that way,” said without any sarcastic inflection,sometimes works for me. If only I could remember my own advice and not take it personally!

  6. Anonymous says:

    A very, very long time ago Marsha recommended a book to me, How to Not Take it Personally. I believe that was the name. Anyway, if there is one thing that I have finally learned, it’s THAT. :O) I have to say that it is so freeing to look at a situation w/ a toxic person and realize, fully, that, “This is not about me!”

  7. Marsha Petrie Sue says:

    Good for you! Reading and expanding our skill set is CRITICAL!!!! Love to hear how others are handling these problems! Thanks… Marsha
    ps: Remember to check the articles on the web site and use them in your newsletters!!!

  8. Grammy says:

    Oh, if I had only known HOW to not take it personally years ago! That, and PRACTICING good communication skills and the (nice named) fogging – would have saved me much grief. Once learned, each of these skills has served me well in my work as a team leader in my volunteer work – and even when I fill in as a recptionist at a local charity office. My, my, my we humans are a touchy lot, are we not?

  9. Marsha Petrie Sue says:

    Personally I think these kinds of skills should be taught and practiced in school! As an adult, I am always in school learning how to be a little better!!

    You know why people don’t? IT IS EASIER!!! They don’t have to take personal responsibility for their actions and have others to blame.

    Much easier and I think totally unacceptable!!!! What say you and how do you handle Toxic People??

  10. Marsha Petrie Sue says:

    OK so you have to be around family this weekend — and there may be some you don’t care for.
    1. Don’t get mad
    2. Stay calm (remember to breathe)
    3. Ask questions to dig deeper (it is all about them)
    4. Stay personally accountable for the outcomes — you do have more control than you think!!!!
    5. Remember “You may be right, help me understand,”

    They can’t get your goat if they don’t know where it is tied up!!! Happy Easter, Passover or Spring!

    Marsha

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