Kindness

I want to thank the kindness of all the people who attended the Banquet last evening. It seemed that all the difficult people stayed home and were nowhere to be found. The donations, auctions, and general activity to take the time on a Saturday night are much appreciated. Kindness filled the air and the feeling of family and goodwill.

What has happened to our society that kindness takes a backseat to self-centeredness, ego, and rudeness? Why do people choose not to be nice? Personally, I plan to heighten my awareness meter to pay more attention to general kindness and having a good, caring outlook. Being wrapped up in your own life, whether problematic or not, can make anyone over consumed with themselves.

In publishing my next book, Toxic People: Decontaminate difficult people at work without using weapons or duct tape, I must force my life to be more about others and less about me. Here is the key – I will not allow myself to be walked on! Deciding to engage people that have the same view will be my goal. Eliminating the Toxic People from my life will continue to be my mantra. No longer will these people suck the life out of me, and I will surround myself with the like of people that were at the banquet.

Why Toxic Behavior Doesn’t Change: what Lindsey Lohan, Eric Clapton and Michael Vick have in common.

Poor Lindsey Lohan. The rich, misbehaving starlet’s incredible free fall continues with her being arrested, again, for suspicion of driving under the influence and possession of cocaine. Why doesn’t her toxic behavior change? It can, if (big if) Lindsey wanted to step out of her difficult person role, and take control. Knowing she is a role model, as are other misbehaving, high profile people, to our children and young adults, is utterly disgusting.

Deception Detection

I just returned from a meeting of speakers – the National Speakers Association Annual Convention and connected with some wonderful old friends and made some great new friends. The major reason I hadn’t attended for a couple years was because of the inflated view many of the wanna-be speakers (and the never-be’s) have of themselves. Well actually, it is beyond inflated, they flat lie. So in an attempt to stay sane, I decided to dig deep and remember a skill I developed in my corporate life.

Mental Terrorism

With the recent terrorism attacks in Europe, it made me reflect on how we think about life and when awful events happen, how we create our own terrorism. Many people struggle with the internal menace of self-doubt and low self worth. This mental terrorism can provide paralysis in life. Even the input from others becomes disturbing and creates a thought process that ignores reality, and generates mental terrorism. This human mayhem can be overcome by finding the true underlying cause of your thinking.

Duke

Why did the Duke debacle spin so far out of control, so quickly? People jumped to conclusion without having the validated information and data. Trust and verify is something we have all heard many times. So why didn’t the school, the media and the district attorney trust but verify. Had they chosen this route, they would not be eating crow today. The statements of “But what I really meant” are rampant. I believe that their need to have the first “claim to fame” on this high profile story overrode the need for the truth.
Duke University, including the faculty, did not trust the students they scrutinized upon admission। Mike Nifong, North Carolina District Attorney, did not verify the evidence and jumped to very inconclusive, and inappropriate conclusions. The involved boys parents proved Johnny Cochran’s statement to be true, “Innocent until proven broke.” And if not for their financial power, this debacle would not have concluded in favor of the indicted students.

Focus

I love talking to people about what they really want to change, and the obstacles they have in going from good to great. Today in a presentation, a woman was working on an assignment in a concurrent I was presenting and she had me repeat the objectives four times. She said she was sorry but couldn’t “focus” on what she needed to do.

Personally, I don’t think it is focus at all – it is listening skill. And the problem many people have in hearing the information initially. They choose to be all tied up in their own thoughts and don’t care to listen.

Listening well is hard, but like most other skills, it is learned. Train yourself to focus on the information being transferred, and dump the emotional issues. Leave behind your judgment and concentrate on the needs of the situation. You will be amazed how focused you become!!
Cheers, Marsha

Hypocondria

I love receiving your emails and always enjoy reading them and responding when I can. It is interesting that many people suffer from what I have so it gives me great pleasure to share my experiences with them. A recent example is mental hypochondria. It saddens me that so many people allow their negative self-talk to interrupt their success.

Oh yes, I have been there many times and must catch myself when I go back to the ugly place in my thinking. My husband, Al, thinks it is nuts. Do people question your lack of confidence? He says, “You are doing so well, and have the world by the tail. I don’t understand why you allow yourself a trip to that ugly place in your mind?”

Privileged Paris suffering from Moral Amnesia

Twenty-six year old Paris Hilton is suffering an infectious malady; moral amnesia. The sad story behind her behavior has been spread by her mother, Kathy Hilton. Did you know that one of the early lessons mom shared with her daughter was, “Be a star or marry rich”? She encouraged Paris to wallow in selfishness and narcissism, and supported her decisions to go to clubs and party as a young adult. The personal responsibility lessons that should have been taught by her parents and teachers somehow came up missing.