I just returned from a meeting of speakers â€“ the National Speakers Association Annual Convention and connected with some wonderful old friends and made some great new friends. The major reason I hadnâ€™t attended for a couple years was because of the inflated view many of the wanna-be speakers (and the never-beâ€™s) have of themselves. Well actually, it is beyond inflated, they flat lie. So in an attempt to stay sane, I decided to dig deep and remember a skill I developed in my corporate life.
With the recent terrorism attacks in Europe, it made me reflect on how we think about life and when awful events happen, how we create our own terrorism. Many people struggle with the internal menace of self-doubt and low self worth. This mental terrorism can provide paralysis in life. Even the input from others becomes disturbing and creates a thought process that ignores reality, and generates mental terrorism. This human mayhem can be overcome by finding the true underlying cause of your thinking.
Why did the Duke debacle spin so far out of control, so quickly? People jumped to conclusion without having the validated information and data. Trust and verify is something we have all heard many times. So why didnâ€™t the school, the media and the district attorney trust but verify. Had they chosen this route, they would not be eating crow today. The statements of â€œBut what I really meantâ€ are rampant. I believe that their need to have the first â€œclaim to fameâ€ on this high profile story overrode the need for the truth.
Duke University, including the faculty, did not trust the students they scrutinized upon admissionà¥¤ Mike Nifong, North Carolina District Attorney, did not verify the evidence and jumped to very inconclusive, and inappropriate conclusions. The involved boys parents proved Johnny Cochranâ€™s statement to be true, â€œInnocent until proven broke.â€ And if not for their financial power, this debacle would not have concluded in favor of the indicted students.
I love talking to people about what they really want to change, and the obstacles they have in going from good to great. Today in a presentation, a woman was working on an assignment in a concurrent I was presenting and she had me repeat the objectives four times. She said she was sorry but couldnâ€™t â€œfocusâ€ on what she needed to do.
Personally, I donâ€™t think it is focus at all â€“ it is listening skill. And the problem many people have in hearing the information initially. They choose to be all tied up in their own thoughts and donâ€™t care to listen.
Listening well is hard, but like most other skills, it is learned. Train yourself to focus on the information being transferred, and dump the emotional issues. Leave behind your judgment and concentrate on the needs of the situation. You will be amazed how focused you become!!
I love receiving your emails and always enjoy reading them and responding when I can. It is interesting that many people suffer from what I have so it gives me great pleasure to share my experiences with them. A recent example is mental hypochondria. It saddens me that so many people allow their negative self-talk to interrupt their success.
Oh yes, I have been there many times and must catch myself when I go back to the ugly place in my thinking. My husband, Al, thinks it is nuts. Do people question your lack of confidence? He says, â€œYou are doing so well, and have the world by the tail. I donâ€™t understand why you allow yourself a trip to that ugly place in your mind?â€
Twenty-six year old Paris Hilton is suffering an infectious malady; moral amnesia. The sad story behind her behavior has been spread by her mother, Kathy Hilton. Did you know that one of the early lessons mom shared with her daughter was, â€œBe a star or marry rich”? She encouraged Paris to wallow in selfishness and narcissism, and supported her decisions to go to clubs and party as a young adult. The personal responsibility lessons that should have been taught by her parents and teachers somehow came up missing.
Many people are attracted to the stories of Rosie Oâ€™Donnell and her abusive behavior because they have a â€œRosieâ€ in their life. The viewers of the media coverage may be searching for one drop of analysis that may help them deal with the difficult people in their work place or even at home.
Business Week Magazine has said that one in three working people say they have been yelled at and discouraged by their boss or peers.
Because I study difficult behavior and solutions relentlessly, I think each person faced with a Rosie behavior needs to take personal responsibility for the outcome they desire.
Now I’m not a parent (only by marriage) so I am certainly coming at this from a different perspective. Within the last two days, I have been asked by two “Mom’s” how they can make there kid better interact with conflict.
These kids are adult women, who have great jobs (one is an attorney) and obviously well educated. The mom’s want to tell them what to do. My suggestion was to ask their child what kind of outcome they want – the good, bad or ugly. Then to figure out to whom they are talking (communication style) and the approach they have seen work from other people — because obviously their approach is not working.