Here are the five winning principles that every leader and employee should focus on every day – whether at work or at home.

1. Treat every person as a customer. It’s what they want and need, not what you want to give.
2. Choose to provide feedback by sharing what went right, and what can be changed for next time. Coulda and shoulda are not part of effective feedback and only create barriers and poor attitudes.
3. Manage toxic behavior and difficult people by not becoming one. You choose to stay calm and you choose what comes out of your mouth. No one ‘makes’ you do anything.
4. If you don’t have the information you need, ask. People are not mind readers. Dig deeper, clarify and ask questions because it is part of your job.
5. Communicate well by learning to listen effectively. Turn off the self-talk, responses and don’t let your mind wander. It is how you expect others to give you.

And remember – a positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will tick off enough people to make it worth the effort!

This had not been a focus of mine, until I received a call from the New York Times reporter, Lisa Belkin a couple years ago.  She interviewed me for a Styles section article titled,  It’s not the job I despise, it’s you.  To view the article click here.

Valentines day is to celebrate with loved ones and to focus on the spirit of good for all. Here is my challenge: when someone is rude, offensive or disrespectful to you, let your behavior be triggered by a different set of rules.  Instead of “getting back” at the other person, quickly find two people to thank, recognize or verbally applaud.

The three reasons cupid has a dark side: (And maybe you?)

1. We get sucked into other people bad behavior
2. We are too lazy to change our old knee jerk behaviors
3. It is easier to walk away than to take a different approach

I believe if we challenge ourselves to shift the normal response from mirroring the poor behavior of the person who set us off, to the behavior we would like to receive, we can change our environment, our attitude and certainly our outcomes.

The spirit of good continues as valentines are sent with sentimental verses, kind words and heartfelt greetings. Stop now and send a greeting of caring to someone who could use a little ‘love’ and step away from cupid’s dark side.

No matter what the situation, everyone should choose civility especially when dealing with someone displaying difficult behavior or as my dad would say, “Wants to pick a fight.” Nothing is solved when fingers are pointed and words shared that rile others. Bias is in the eye of the beholder in my opinion.

I understand that it takes the brain three seconds or less to establish perspective and to judge. So for me, personally trying harder to choose words carefully because what one person sees as political another may not. What someone perceives to be an evil comment, another may not. This is why the comments of the post were so varied. Background, focus, culture, age, disposition, attitude, and more play into our thought process. It becomes the good, bad, right and wrong.  No gray area.

So I choose to use examples that make people think. Staying open, flexible and suspending judgment in any situation is always a goal for me. That is why I watch a variety of news sources — local and cable providing a wide range of perspectives so my own opinions are created. It is all about civility and I try hard to keep an open mind and will try even harder. Civility will be my focus and part of my personal leadership.

I have a problem with his behavior because to me, it is neither Presidential nor does it show a strong, capable leadership style. Are his exceptional oratory skills only present when reading off of a ‘comfort monitor’ aka ‘TelePrompTer?’

On the other hand, should Jan Brewer have tried to diffuse the situation by using my favorite communication technique, fogging, by saying, “You may be right. Would there be a time when we can discuss my intent for my book?” And the finger pointing is never a good choice of gestures.

It is just plain dumb to see this kind of situation happen and it certainly doesn’t position either person well.  What do you think?

Fewer than 2 percent of the people who make New Year’s resolutions actually achieve them, so why would you waste a minute setting them? The true reason is that it gives you hope that the next 12 months will be better than the last. If you have ever set the same goal year after year, why don’t you just stop the insanity? Stop setting goals and start taking the initiative through personal responsibility. Here are the top five goals people set and that 98 percent of those people are never going to come close to achieving.

1. Lose Weight

Don’t join a gym because the only exercise you will get is writing out the check. My suggestion? Personally I hate the gym but I go just about every day – early! And yes, you do have time and you can make it a priority. Read this from LiveStrong.com.

2. Budget

Practice self-control and take personal responsibility. Pay cash for everything, especially large purchases. Get more plastic—debit cards only. There are some great points in this post.

3. Debt Reduction

Add up your debt. Determine a date when you want the debt retired and gone. Divide the debt by the number of months, weeks or days. I recommend weeks. Yes, this is difficult, but you should also calculate what you are paying in interest. You are throwing your hard-earned money to someone else. More on debt reduction here.

4. Learn Something New

A lifelong learning framework encompasses learning throughout the life cycle, from cradle to grave and in different learning environments: formal, nonformal and informal. Just focus on improving your skills 10 minutes a week! It’s probably more than you do now. Here are 15 great steps.

5. Volunteer and Help Others

Resolve to replace the pursuit of success and materialism with the pursuit of contribution and generosity. For this to occur, the critical question is: “What can I contribute that will significantly impact other people’s lives?” By focusing on what we can contribute, we automatically become successful. Read more here.

Here is the problem. There are many people who have knowledge, they just don’t take action. Continue to challenge yourself to take risk, and most importantly do something. Nothing will happen without your active participation. So what will you do?

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My focus on personal responsibility kicked in and with the guiding advice of my doctors, I began the journey. So we tried:

• meniscus surgery
• cortisone shots
• orthovisc and synvisc shots
• physical therapy

All resulting in little relief to the pain caused by fluids released in my left knee because of the arthritis. One of my clients suggested Dr. Vincent Russo who is an orthopedic surgeon as I was not satisfied with the bedside manner and customer care provided by the previous two docs.

Learning point for me: customer satisfaction IS critical in today’s world of healthcare beginning with the receptionist, staff, nurses and ultimately the doctor.  Knowing Dr. Russo’s office has a real system designed specifically (or at least it seems that way) for me has lifted an enormous burden knowing I’m headed for total knee replacement surgery in a few short days.

Expand this to your company and group — asking yourself these questions:

1. Are you and your group trained to know the difference between good and excellent communications?
2. Can you build good relationships quickly by applying emotional intelligence?
3. Do you know how to manage anxiety in others including dealing with toxic people and their difficult behavior?
4. Do you and your group take personal responsibility for your choices and outcomes?

There is more to the story with customer service and of course my fun times to come!  Stay tuned…

Cheers, Marsha

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Please contact mailto:MarciaSnow@MarshaPetrieSue.com

Understand that the audience can tell immediately when you are panicked. This unrest is typically caused by lack of self-confidence, which is then exacerbated by poorly drafted presentations, little or no practice, and not knowing your audience. Think about a nervous speaker you previewed; did their anxiety build confidence in their message? Or were you just hoping they would make it through? Using a planning model helps reduce anxiety because it gives you structure and the knowledge that you are organized and in control.

Construction: Use the following 11-point model to plan your presentation. This model can also be used for planning meetings, writing newsletters and more.

The presentation model can be downloaded from www.ReactorFactorBook.com along with other forms from my latest book.

#1 Close. It may sound strange, but you actually want to start your planning by determining how you’ll end your speech—in other words, what you want the audience to think, do or feel. By doing so, you will save time putting your presentation together.

#2, #3, #4—Key Points. Establish the three key elements of your presentation so that it becomes memorable for the listener. Remember it’s easier for people to remember information in groups of threes.

#5, #6, #7—Details. These sections include your data, examples, and information pertinent to the three issues identified in #2, #3 and #4.

#8, #9, #10—Summary. Develop this part by thinking about the three key points; and, in one sentence, ask yourself—what do you want people to take away from each?

#11—Opening. What is your hook and the sound bite that will move the audience to the edge of their seats? Immediately engaging the audience let’s you see that you are in control by watching their interest in hearing “the rest of the story” therefore reducing your anxiety!

The side benefit of this model is that it will save you about 50% of the time you normally spend writing your speech. Plant the visual of this plan in you head and speaking extemporaneously will be a breeze.

Let me know if I can help you and your team improved this dreaded but essential skill. Remember it separates you from the rest of the nervous Nellie’s out there who hate to present! Having honed communication skills is critical in today’s environment – and yes, platform power is a communication skill you must have. Plus, I have covered this important skill in The Reactor Factor!

Also, all my bosses work 100 miles away and one told me recently that it appears that I’m gone a lot.  I have taken only my 5 floater days that are provided through the company as well as 2 sick days this year.  I still have my full 2 weeks vacation yet to use.  I’m not sure why she said this except that I make sure that all my bosses know when I will be in meetings or when I need to take an early lunch do to something.  Stuff like that.  I am always at work and always work overtime.  Help.

My response: Consider prioritizing your duties and tasks as far as importance to your boss and driving profits for your group. Then approach your boss and tell him you need his help in understanding what is most important. Mention that you love the added responsibility and need his help to prioritize. Take those duties that are not the best use of your time and skills and put them at the bottom of the list.  Come up with a solution to have someone else do them — an intern, a student, someone that has “down” time, etc. This will show your creativity and willingness to do more.

Here is the quickest way to separate yourself from other people in the workplace: hone your public speaking skills, and become comfortable with presenting. I’ve learned that it is simply another skill to tuck away in your success toolbox.

How are your presentation skills? Answer honestly! Can you:

• Quickly format a three-minute presentation while sitting at a conference table with your boss or client?
• Begin with a dynamic “hook” to get the audience’s attention?
• Leave the group with the action you want them to do?
• Channel your nervousness into energy from the platform?
• Remain calm if there is a troublemaker in the audience?
• Connect with the audience using appropriate humor?
• Show the authentic you from the podium?

You should be screaming, “Help!” if you answered yes to any of the above questions. I can guarantee that if you learn how to present using authenticity, humor, and great information, you will be ahead of everyone in your arena. Learning this skill for your career growth pays off! It helps you remain visible to the people who make the decisions in the organization, not only in terms of promoting you, but also in tough times—when deciding who gets laid off and who doesn’t.

Polished presentation skills can be the one talent that makes you indispensible. I have an entire chapter in The Reactor Factor: how to deal with difficult work situations without going nuclear and you can download all the complimentary forms (PDF’s) from the web site http://www.ReactorFactorBook.com.

Here’s a tip — and more will be coming your way! Before you speak, consider the following:

• Whenever possible, learn the attitudes, needs, and beliefs of the audience, and identify their issues. Focus on what they want versus what you want to deliver.
• Understand the layout of the room in advance when you can. This small task will help you feel more confident during your presentation. Practice in this environment if possible.
• Rehearse your presentation—even if you are not sure if you will speak—whether it will be extemporaneous or planned. Lack of preparation is the number one reason why speeches go bad—and why people are overly nervous.

Be looking for ideas in managing anxiety, presentation construction, delivery and much more. Many people are realizing polishing this one skill separates them from the masses.

Perhaps that is the reason I am presenting Platform Power training and individual presentation coaching more than ever!  Let me know if I can help you and your team improved this dreaded but essential skill. Having honed communication skills is critical in today’s environment – and yes, platform power is a communication skill.

Need more information? Email me at mailto:Marsha@MarshaPetrieSue.com. Or contact Marcia Snow, Marsha’s manager. mailto:MarciaSnow@MarshaPetrieSue.com

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