Entries Tagged as 'bad behavior'

What creates Toxic behavior

I was asked if people are born toxic. Typically a person is toxic because they are choosing behavior that results in what they want. It has less to do with “born” with it or being around other toxic people. Lack of self confidence, no self awareness and unwillingness to change and grow can be center-pin for developing toxic behavior.

Take personal responsibility for your attitude toward conflict and learn how to communicate to get the desired outcomes.  You can change your self talk to be more positive.  Thoughts?

Conflict Management and Toxic People

I was asked to respond to a blog post on conflict, and thought you might be interested in my comment.

As the author of Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without using Weapons or Duct tape, I agree with the assessment.  Diffusing the situation quickly with language like, “You may be right. Help me understand . . .” creates an environment that allows people to vent.

Learning to keep your own conflict thinking and mental terrorism in check is also important.  Breathe deeply to get oxygen to your brain is step one.

The Death of Common Courtesy

I ran into Kohl’s yesterday to grab one thing.

Retail Struggling to survive

Retail Struggling to survive

A big check out line faced me but that was OK because I understand that retail is really trying to survive with less employees. A store employee came rushing by the line and opened the register.  The guy behind me just about knocked me over to get to the front of the line.  Instead of getting Toxic (after all I did write the book Toxic People!) I just stepped in front of him and put my purchase on the counter.  His face was bright red and I looked at him and said, “She said next in line and that would be me.”

When you are the Toxic Person!

I had a wonderful email from a person after they had finished reading my book, Toxic People.  I wanted to share my response to them.  In my opinion, just asking this kind of question takes real guts! It’s all about personal responsibility, self leadership, accountability and managing change.

They said: I would say I am a difficult person you mention in our book/ the Zipper Lip/
My response: This is a behavioral choice you are making to combat a situation that you don’t like.  The hard reality is that Zipper Lips choose this behavior because they either don’t know how else to respond or are too lazy to change.  I’m guessing you are in category 1.

Four Keys on Communicating to a Backstabber

I enjoy receiving requests for help and guidance from readers. Here is one concerning a Backstabber in the office. How is your personal development? Do you have the communication skills to handle a situation like this? My comments are in ALL CAPS (AND I’M NOT SCREAMING!)

“A long-time employee in our office, who is respected by all of the companies shareholders, is a challenging person for her coworkers to work with. In the years I have worked with her, her interactions with me have always been positive. She is very skilled at projecting the desired image to those she perceives to be in positions of authority or power.”

Spring Cleaning: How to control the bad employees and toxic behaviors

What do you do with difficult people and generally bad employees? Now is the perfect time to do a little Spring Cleaning. Here’s the dirty little secret. Think about cleaning up your own communication skills in dealing with toxic people. I found an interesting Forbes Article and it reminded me that there are considerations for cleaning up the bad employees and difficult people:

Clean up!

1. Don’t gossip. Stay as far away from the grapevine’s trash can as you can and the official Director of Chaos. People that involve themselves in the “whine and geez” parties rarely move up the ladder. Don’t let the “bad apple” of the bunch suck you in. Take personal responsibility for your own positive attitude. Get out the mental vacuum and clean up your thinking.

When Haughty, Loudmouthed, Difficult People Lose

I was in Starbucks today (see previous post) and was thrilled to see that the report from the media has been turned around. Apparently the haughty, loudmouthed people that said the cooking of the sandwiches was not appropriate and upset the balance of the “aroma of the coffee.”

When the Barrista asked me for my order and asked if I wanted a grilled sandwich, I just about yelped. I am sick and tired of the minority ruling the majority. And this time the squeaky wheel went flat and didn’t get greased. The toxic people didn’t win! Yeah.

The Dark Side of Valentine’s Day

I’ve been happily married for 15 years and we both hate Valentines Day. Shouldn’t every day be spent caring about your loved one? Why just one day? Does that mean you can be a jerk or a toxic person the rest of the time?

This has not been a focus of mine, until I received a call from the New York Times reporter, Lisa Belkin. She interviewed me for an article for the Styles section about exactly this theme. To view the article click here.

Difficult Peoples Toxic Behavior Spill Over and includes Britney Spears

Britney Spears just can’t get out of the news because of her toxic behavior. She lost visitation rights for her kids, her fans are dropping like flies, but there is still a loyal group clinging on her every toxic action and word. She even kicked Dr. Phil out of her hospital room!
She is like some of the people you work with – they are talented but have become difficult people. They infect others and create havoc.
Do you have a Britney in your office? It’s not just the damage they do to themselves – they set the tone for the office productivity, morale, and temperament. The top producers that make a mess of their paperwork, the team leaders that can rally the troops but miss the deadlines, the assistants that provide excellent work but are always late to work, and more.
Here is an 6-step conflict resolution plan:
1. Identify the Toxic Person’s behavior.
• Review the six types of Toxic People from the book determine with whom you are dealing.
2. Understand the outcome needed with the relationship.
• Fix it or sever the relationship?
3. Decide how you want to be perceived by the Toxic Person.
• Do you even care what difficult people think of you? (Don’t be cavalier; think about the importance of this question!)
4. Plan your response to Toxic People.
• Be accountable for what you are going to say.
5. Practice your approach.
• How will you check your own anger or anxiety during the approach?
Continue to refer to this list every time you have to manage a toxic situation or a difficult person, and do this until all the habits become second nature. Let’s send this info to Britney Spears! Hopefully she will have time to read it between cocktails and hospital visits.

Microexpressions to identify difficult people: Take personal responsibility for better relationships

Whether you are dealing with a Backstabber, Steamroller, Know-it-All or any other type of difficult behavior identified in Toxic People, fill your tool case with as much information as possible.  I just ordered the Microexpressions CD from Paul Ekman www.paulekman.com. 

This is a great tool that I think everyone should use and learn from.  Make sure your bucket is filled to the top with ideas you can apply every day!  Just a thought.

It is our job to learn how to handle difficult people!  Happy New Year.  It will be a GREAT ’08.  Marsha