Interestingly I’ve had several email’s in the last two days concerning couples growing apart. It must be getting close to a full moon.

My reply’s were very similar. If you think your partner is drifting away from how the relationship used to be, take action. It is your personal responsibility (and mine) to go the extra mile. Ask them for help. Take the approach that you are trying to be a better partner by being more caring, or whatever you choose, and need them to help you recognize and identify how you could be more caring.

Enlist their help and don’t wait for them to change – because they won’t. Trying to change another person does make for great first marriages. What are your thoughts?

Here are some of their findings and my solutions:
1. Men are more apt to zone out in a meeting since their brains are designed to enter a “rest state” more easily than women. My solution: Change the energy in the meeting every 6 – 8 minutes by telling a story, asking the group to write something down, share a thought with the person sitting next to them, or ask for feedback round robin style. Be creative.
2. Women will have a tendency to run off topic because their personal development has encouraged them to multitask. My solution: in the ground rules of the meeting, focus on sticking to the agenda. Any participant can bring the group back to task. Have a “parking lot” so if something is brought up off the agenda, it can be posted and considered for another meeting.

These are just two ideas of many covered. You can preorder the book on Amazon.com. This book could be used to expand negotiating skills, solve communication problems and create an expanded professional component. It is all about self-awareness and understanding gender issue, and is certainly big in corporate setting and any business environment.

I do discuss gender differences in conflict in the Toxic People book and also on the audio version of the book. I should mention too that if you sign up for my monthly newsletter on www.MarshaPetrieSue.com you would receive a download of a very cool Toxic People podcast for your iPod or MP3.
Your comments are always appreciated and I love receiving emails from you and especially the blog posts. Thanks!!

Marsha

The setting is rural and everyone who has chosen to live here, either part or full time, participates in the outdoors in some fashion. Fishing, birding and hiking are certainly our past times!

One of the “guests” became a toxic person and displayed difficult behavior when she walked by two men who were discussing their outdoor adventures. She put her fingers in her ears, and loudly shouted, “la, la, la, la, la…” There should be a TV show called Idiots in Action. This woman could be the poster child.
OMG – the last time I saw that kind of poor behavior was from a five year-old who didn’t want to listen to their parents. The problem? She continued with her ridiculous antics. Even my husband, who never pays attention to that kind of scenario, mentioned it on the way home. It really was that absurd.

For me, it was an excellent display of exactly what I base my presentations and writings on. Open your mind, and remember you don’t have to agree with what is being said. Don’t fall into the trap of people behaving badly, toxic behavior and closed mindedness.

Marsha

My step daughter, Karen, sent me this email and I believe there is a lesson here for us all… Don’t let your mouth over load your goals.

“‘I don’t know if you watched any of the pre-game stuff, but they talked about how SMART the Stanford women had to be just to get in (in my opinion implying that the TN gals were a bunch of morons)…one of their players said “Sure, Candace can dunk, but I’d like to challenge her to a “math-athon”. Well, they better stick to math because TN outran them, out rebounded them and flat out made them look like a bunch “math-chicks” trying to play basketball…

So, for our more challenged TN players, the math is simple: 7 + 1 = 8 National Championships!!! Lady Vols Rock!’”  Karen

Thirty-four seasons ago, after Pat Summitt had coached her first game at Tennessee, she phoned home. “Did you win?” her father, Richard Head, asked. “No sir, we got beat.” “By how much?” “One point.”

There was a long pause, and as Summitt feared that her father would blame her, he said: “Let me just tell you one thing, Trisha. Don’t take donkeys to the Kentucky Derby.” Pat’s father talking to her after her first lost of her coaching career. Apparently it paid off in her managing and leading young women to success!

They continue in the article “The message was a valuable one: The best coaches had the best players. Tennessee (36-2) clearly did Tuesday night in winning its second consecutive national championship and eighth over all with a 64-48 victory over Stanford.”

The lesson here for all of us? Communicate well, lead the way you want to be, and let focus and discipline be your middle names! Marsha

In my ultimate wisdom, I “upgraded” technology meaning my world has been turned upside down. My mind is spilling over with new gadgetry including an iCal calendar that I have been told is much better than anything on the market. Grind that up with a new “upgraded” iPhone cell phone, and I am totally nuts.

The good news is my learning curve is being challenged… and I like that. The bad news is I was fifteen minutes late for a meeting that involved a large group of people. Beating myself up will not solve anything. Evaluating the “why” part of my tardiness and time management I believe will … as I take personal responsibility for my screw up.

Here’s what I’ve learned in the last 24 hours.
I have too much on my plate and I’ve done it all myself. Solution: prioritize with new eyes. Larry Winget, my mentor and friend, said “Stop everything except your personal life and your business. You have plenty of time for the rest AFTER your business is where you want it.”

Trying to satisfy everyone else and being “nice” to everyone that asks for anything is not always the best choice. Solution: every time I say “yes” to anything and put something on my calendar, ask myself, “Is this activity going to move me closer or further away from my goals.”

When I do make a mistake, understand why and stop beating myself up. Solution: Say I’m sorry, ask for forgiveness, learn from it, and move on. (Easier said than done!)

I received over 150 emails from people concerned that I was beating myself up – and sharing their wonderful words. People are just wonderful! Now that did me good! I am just grateful that I took the time to send an email of apology rather than hide. It helped me win the war on mental terrorism.

Thank you, Marsha

Trace seemed to be the “Good” and Piers seemed to be the “Evil.” In the boardroom with Trump, Piers made it all to clear that The Celebrity Apprentice was all about communications, business and focus. His comment was right on. Mr. Trump had specifically directed the contestants that the crown would be awarded to whomever raised the most amount of money and they would be declared the winner. It was not about being “nice” or “liked.” Piers listened to the instructions and proceeded to accomplish the assignment. And the winner is communications.

By the way, Omorosa is an idiot. Talk about poor communications and her dumb comment about Piers and getting his teeth cleaned. She had an opportunity to shine through her communications. How many opportunities have you had to stand out and just didn’t have the right words? I know I have had plenty and am constantly learning to be a better communicator and speaker. Need some guidance?

Think about American Idol. It is now down to personality not talent in my opinion. Which of the contestants do you think comes across as a self confident (not arrogant), poised, and energized person? The viewers will forgive a “pitch” problem if they have formed a connection with the singer. Was Ramiele, who was voted off, confident when interviewed. Nope. She looked and sounded terrified. Her eye contact with the camera was weak, her voice wained, and her body language was less almost fetal. When she was working with Dolly Parton (and they are about the same size), Dolly was much easier to watch because of her polished communications.

How is your communication skill? Have you developed a self help habit to constantly strengthen each interaction? It is your responsibility to focus on your own personal development. No one else will. So what is your next step?

There is no reason why everyone shouldn’t be better communicators and place themselves in the winner circle. I believe the reason is because people are too lazy to get out of their comfort zone and learn a new approach…then actually use it. As a professional speaker, this is the number one requested topic and then right along with communications is dealing with difficult people. Number ONE! Every time I keynote a meeting, people will say, “Thanks I needed that.”

Marsha

ps: Did you click on the word listen for your complimentary download?

That statement may be abrasive to you, but you can’t get better without allowing time for learning more about how your brain works. It is our personal responsibility to find the time to do this!

I often talk about the right and left brain and how it shapes our thinking and most of all our communications. The amazing story of Jill’s stroke and how, as a scientist, she was able to really analyze (during the stroke!!) what was happening to her. Just amazing.

The trick for each of us is to understand how our brain works, and embrace the control we do have. If you get ticked off, it’s your fault and you have become a toxic person. If you say something inappropriate, it’s your fault. If the outcomes you have in relationships are bad, it’s your fault. Plain and simple, everyone must take personal responsibility for life.

Marsha 

Weight control has always been an issue with me and I know every bite that goes in my mouth is going to show up somewhere on my bod. Toxic Behavior? Perhaps. I also know I am not “obese” and if I was – I would do the best exercise of all, pushing away from the table. Or maybe this one … eat less and exercise more! Here is the question… is it such poor self worth that people cannot control what they put in their pie hole? When you put on an extra 20 – 30 pounds, don’t you notice that your clothes no longer fit properly? Maybe you need to get stuff from Larry Winget!!

It is our personal responsibility to control our negative self image talk and change our view of ourselves. NO ONE can do this for you. What others can do is supply information to help change your thinking. I believe that is why my speaking practice and my resources are so successful. Providing fodder for others to take control and manage their own existence is critical. We must teach this to ourselves, so it can be taught to our children.

Solution? Put downloads on your iPod or MP3 player. Read a book, attend a lecture … do something! And stop saying “I CAN’T!” You chose to or chose not to, it’s not that you can’t. Read some other blogs on this. You will be pleased with yourself, especially if you decide to take action!

Don’t eat too many chocolate Easter eggs either! Even Newsweek chimed in on this!! I am just sick to death that I can’t eat Peeps any more. I will not allow my internal communication talk me into it and know it IS my personal responsibility! I wonder if the Texas relative was a Peep eater? Happy Easter, Marsha

ps: Peeps. A few of these fluffy, sugar-filled treats can add up quickly. Go through a row of four bunnies and you’re at 130 calories. Peeps are fat-free but do weigh in heavy on the carb count–each little rabbit has 8 grams of sugar alone, adding up to 32 grams in a serving of four.

This has not been a focus of mine, until I received a call from the New York Times reporter, Lisa Belkin. She interviewed me for an article for the Styles section about exactly this theme. To view the article click here.

I will cook dinner, we will have an adult beverage, and toast all those people jammed in an already overcrowded restaurant that allows them to chose between two entrée items. Is this romantic? I am convinced that Hallmark and other benefactors of the holiday manufactured Valentine’s Day. Did you know that more than $15 billion (with a B) dollars was spent on this lover’s day in 2007. I’d rather give money to my favorite charity AZ Magic of Music and Dance because I know the special needs kids would certainly appreciate it. Now there is a group filled with love. I refuse to become a difficult person!

I’ll bet even DHL sent out a press release to take advantage of their company exporting over 15 Million stems from Latin America! And why not? I say take advantage of marketing opportunities especially when concocted by someone else just don’t become arrogant or toxic over the situation.

MSNBC has even made news of this Anti focus.
For an alternative history to Valentine’s Day, visit or visit the Anti Valentines Day Spectacular

Need information on booking Marsha for your next event? Please contact Marcia Snow at
mailto:MarciaSnow@MarshaPetrieSue.com.

You must blow your own horn without becoming arrogant or a pain in the rear.  It is just that simple.  In the fast paced word of business today, leaders just don’t have time to seek you out.  You must take the lead.

Keep a success journal so when it’s time for your review and appraisal you have a tool that will recap all the great things you have done. Uncover problems and issues before anyone else does and take a couple of solutions to the team or your leader.  This is where stars are born.

In addition, do not take it personally when they don’t recognize your contributions. Do take control so that your lack of speaking up doesn’t hold you back in your job success! Learn to promote yourself!

The only two helping hands you will ever have are at the end of your elbows.

Marsha

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Refer Marsha for your next meeting, workshop or keynote.
“Our meeting was a tremendous success because of your keynote and concurrent workshop.
Your evaluations were ‘off the charts!’” Jan Waugh, Association of Legal Administrators.
Marsha’s latest book, Toxic People, is in bookstores everywhere
#1 bestseller on the “What Corporate America is Reading” from CEO-Read plus Barnes and Noble and Amazon!
Visit the website for more information www.MarshaPetrieSue.com or call Marcia at 1.888.797.6700