1.    Take personal responsibility for every outcome (both personal and professional.) Choose to or choose not to … it’s not that you can’t.

2.    Patience is a virtue and also a learned skill. Questioning and digging deeper to clarify and understand is the key to developing patience. Remember the Emotional Bank Account and think about deposits and withdrawals.

3.    Stay calm.  They can’t get your goat if they don’t know where it’s tied up.

4.    Call the behavior, especially if it is toxic,  if you don’t understand where the other person is coming from. Dig deeper, question and stay on topic whether they are a backstabber, steamroller or more.  Suspend your judgment. Even if you are working with a toxic boss!

5.    Commit to seek a mutual purpose – “It seems like we’re both trying to force our view on one another.  I am committed to discussing this until we have an answer we are both happy with” can create a safe environment to move forward.

6.    Apologize. If you’ve done or said something you know is wrong or uncalled for, own up to it.  Be direct and sincere. There is even a song about apologizing!

7.    Find common ground and drive the intent back to it. “I feel like we have to cut the costs on this.  Can we agree that we want to run a profitable business? Help me understand what other approaches you are thinking about. (Fogging communication skill)

8.    Flex to the other persons style. They are neither right or wrong, they just are.

People People – slower paced, people oriented
Party People – faster paced, people oriented
Point People – faster paced, task oriented
Planner People – slower paced, task oriented

Respect is like air.  You don’t think about it until it’s gone.  Once it’s gone – it’s all you think about.  What do you think about????

Email me for the Ten Commandments of Cooperation!  Marsha@MarshaPetrieSue.com

The press is wonderful, but it does mean that people “test” me for answers and solutions. We were at a party and there was a very loud, obnoxious   woman sitting next to me at the dinner table. It was made clear that her views were opposite of the six other people dining. The lovely hostess even pulled me in the kitchen to ask for my advice to manage this combination steamroller, know it all, whiner difficult person.

I decided to tell the difficult woman to please lower her voice because, for me, yelling and using a loud, high pitched voice only made me not want to listen to her. And asked, “Do you want me to hear your views?” So she did lower her wine induced volume. Notice I spoke only for myself and not for the rest of the table.

I also mentioned that starting every sentence, as she was, with a “But…” positioned her message in a way that turned me off because she was immediately discounting what I had just said. So at least she stopped the But Habit. I applied a lesson on how to handle difficult people that I constantly talk about in my presentations.

The shame is the other couple got up and went home to the dismay of our wonderful hostess. Here are my considerations after this evening:

1. Sit and say nothing and let her yabber on. Keep drinking wine.

2. Do as I did – just earlier. (Good choice, but not the best)

3. Ask if we can continue this conversation over dessert in the living room. (I think this is the best choice and I learned a valuable lesson on dealing with difficult people.)

Lesson here: when you don’t get the exact outcome you want – evaluate afterwords and have a new approach in your bag of tricks. My motto: if it’s meant to be, it’s up to me! And to quote Babe Ruth – if you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got. Marsha

Tips for building your spirit:
- Stay hopeful.
- Take risks.
- Volunteer two hours a week.
- Celebrate with your family.
- Enjoy the outdoors.
- Share a positive thought.
- List reasons for gratitude.

“The enthusiastic, to those who are not, are always something of a trial.” - Alban Goodier

Cheers, Marsha

–
Marsha Petrie Sue, Decontaminator of Toxic People
Author of Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape
#1 bestseller on the “What Corporate America is Reading” from CEO-Read.
Best seller also on www.Amazon.com and www.BarnesandNoble.com

Booking information:    MarciaSnow@MarshaPetrieSue.com
1.888.797.6700

“Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver.”

Visit the website for more information www.MarshaPetrieSue.com

I hope you enjoy your family no matter what form it takes; feel good about all your relationships, even the “not perfect” ones and be grateful for whom you have become. Focus on continuing to create a full life, both professionally and personally. Live by your core values and with every moment, remember that you are in total control of your choices.

Wishing your the best of Holidays, and a Merry Christmas. It’s going to be a great 2008! Cheers,

I was traveling yesterday from Nashville to Chicago and the flight was delayed two hours because of Mechanical problems. I had a choice on how I handled it as did the people behind the counter. They were gracious and compelling with their approach to a bad situation. They helped me think about how productive I could be in writing my next book proposal with two “extra” hours. And I did just that.

In analyzing what was different, it was their entire approach to their job and the travelers. What really put the icing on the delayed flight was what American Airlines and other sponsors are doing for Snowball Express . Check out what is being done for the children of our fallen soldiers, airmen and Marines. This group is reaching out now and far into their future with gatherings and trips for the families and loved ones.

Travel is not fun – but watching others and how they handle the otherwise bad situation, and the contributions others are making, certainly helped me not become a difficult person.

‘Tis the season to be happy and celebrate! Smilin’ Marsha

BRITNEY SPEARS LYRICS in her song “Toxic”

“Baby, can’t you see I’m calling. A guy like you. Should wear a warning. It’s dangerous. I’m fallin’.”

With all the press she has had – I think we have to agree she is a difficult person and displays toxic behavior.

Well, her choices are awful, but her lyrics mimicked the situation I had today with Direct TV. I was “calling” them to get another cable box for our guest room. The “guy” in customer service should wear a “warning.” The situation was “dangerous” because I felt myself “falling” into that ugly space of Toxic Behavior.

One week ago we had Direct TV cable service installed and we LOVE it. So I called and ordered an extra cable box and was told that we would pay $50 extra because our credit history had not been established with them. What? So I paraphrased, trying very hard not to be a toxic person and fall into the Britany Spears “Toxic” syndrome, and said, “So I am being peanilized for other people bad payment history?” Then I almost lost it when they said, “It is company policy?”

Long story short – I talked to two superiors and finally the third had the solution — charge me the $50 then immediately credit my account with $50. Smart man. This could have gone to that ugly difficult person and Toxic place.

Direct TV wins a huge KUDO from me for the way they handled the situation. Britany Spears also gets a KUDO for the “Toxic” song. I just want to know when she will take personal responsibility for her choices and her life.

What do you think? Marsha

Marsha’s book hit #16 out of 50 on the best seller list from Bookscan!
Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape
Available at www.Amazon.com and www.BarnesandNoble.com

“When I saw the banner on the cover – Decontaminate difficult people at work without using weapons or duct tape – I knew it wasn’t going to be the usual self-help cookbook. The author starts with her strongest statement – these people are out there! And we dodge them. So step one is admitting they are there and it’s our responsibility – not their “fault” – to develop the right strategies to deal with all six types of toxic people – the Steamrollers, the Zipper Lip, the Backstabber, the KNow it all, and Needy Weenie and the Whine and Cheeser! And what great stories and practical advice she shares with us. I hate self-help books, but I am keeping this one! It’s a treasure!” Patricia Moody
Here is the question: do you take time out of your very busy schedule to stop and thank strangers?  Tricia did and I want to thank her for that!  I don’t know her, yet she thoughtfully wrote the review.  I am grateful for her action because it reminds me to do the same — go out of my way to be kind and nice.

Marsha

Marsha Petrie Sue, the Decontaminator of Toxic People
“Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver”
Purchase Toxic People on October 9, 2007 from Amazon.com, send me the receipt (marsha@marshapetriesue.com) and receive an amazing Success Bonus Package!

I was thinking about managing Toxic People. I’m returning from Washington DC today and had some wonderful interactions but also encountered some difficult people.

I have determined that the way you were raised determines how you view the world. If you were waised by Toxic People you will have a tendency to become a difficult person. Kind parents – you have a better chance of being a nicer person.

Did your parents teach you to be suspicious of everyone and everything? My mom did. I couldn’t play with Dougie next door because he had “sneaky” eyes. Thanks Mom – lesson learned. Becoming suspicious about everyone and everything was from the role model provided at home.

We had the opportunity to go to a reception and concert at the French Embassy. So decided we should hire a driver so we arrived in style! Well we were quoted one fee – and would up paying another. The Driver got lost, we were late, and he would not even discuss a reduced fee and actually was quite indignant! Can you imagine? He just didn’t understand that my friend that lives there was really going to use his services but NOT NOW!!!

How about you? How do you interact in difficult situations? What were the lessons you use? Train yourself to be self-aware of what you have learned and how that helps (or doesn’t help) you in your mindsight of other people.

The Washington DC situations made me reach deep into my tool box and dig out some better language to use with these Difficult people and Toxic People.

I continue to try to manage my behavior because I want to be the one in control of the situation. How about you? What do you do to manage your anger and management of toxic people? On and my new book, Toxic People: Decontaminate difficult people at work without using weapons and duct is now available on www.Amazon.com or on www.BN.com.

Marsha

John Wiley and Sons, New York, has released Marsha’s new book
Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape
Order at www.Amazon.com

Phone: 1.866.661.8756 or 480.661.8756
Booking information: 1.888.797.6700
Marsha Petrie Sue – The Decontaminator of Toxic People

Visit the website for more information www.MarshaPetrieSue.com

My stepson, Al Sue IV, (pictured with his sister Karen) is not a difficult person but he reminded me on Mother’s Day how important it is to let people know how you really feel. Fifteen years ago, I named myself the ESM (Evil Step Mother) which I TRY really hard NOT to be.

Here is the email he sent me:

Marsh ( ESM ), This holiday still means so much to me and Karen and Nana filled that very important role for us for years after our mother passed. I think I can speak for Karen when I say that we both are very proud to have you as our ESM and to fill that void, not only in our lives, but our Fathers life as well.. His picker certainly wasn’t broken when he found you! Yours ??? Well …… Just kidding. I just wanted to drop you a note to say Thanks from all of us You continue to amaze Karen and myself on your ability to handle our Dad and, at the same time, make him very happy as well ! We believe in Angels and we thank them everyday for those in our lives. THANKS AGAIN ! HAPPY ESM DAY ! LOVE YA ! Al

Now is that cool or what. Here is my recommendation – just be nice and when you have the chance, let someone know you care.

Marsha